Turf Wars...

Legless people part two:

So I still feel really bad that I wrote an entire blog post completely dedicated to legless people and here I am about to write more. I do feel really torn about it. The situation is obviously very sad, totally heart breaking and so wrong on so many levels, but what I am seeing with my own two eyes, that I swear is really happening, is just so crazy that I have to write about it, I have to, almost just to get it out of my system! (And I have never been good about keeping things to myself!)

For some bizarre reason there are only one way streets in Guatemala City. You have to go all the way one way just to get to a place to turn around so you can go all the way back where you came from to get to where you want to go. It is amazingly annoying and really messes you up when you get lost, which yes, is daily. Anyway, there is only one way for me to get home everyday, to funnel through the old colonial aqueducts, one car at a time. Which is actually pretty cool and I still get excited driving through them, but could definitely do without the traffic. It is a pain in the ass, but a panhandlers jackpot -- cars are piled up in long lines, no where to go and if you look sickly enough, sad enough and peer creepily enough in the window, you are going to score some change.

And even more interesting, there seems to be some sophisticated system, a sort of unwritten law between the panhandlers. The creepy old lady that I swear is putting a spell on me if I don't give her my change, takes Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays. The legless guy with his extra pant leg sewn into a pouch and attached to a long stick to bang on your window with, gets Tuesday and Thursday. And then there is a sidekick rotation, the kid selling cellphone minutes or the other legless guy who drives around on an ATV. There is never any overlap, and it seems to flow like clockwork. It is nuts, but after 6 months of observation this is definitely the pattern. (It is apparent that I have been watching too much crime television -- the first thing any good detective does is figure out the human pattern -- I am so weird!)

Anyway I have been watching this little rotation for a while now and all parties involved seem to be happy...well, that is until the other day. I think I witnessed a turf war! And I wish more than anything that I was making this up and that I could erase what may be permanently stuck in my head...two legless men wrestling, rolling around on the partition between two lanes of sort of moving traffic, almost rolling under cars, toppling around like those weird clown punching bags you have as a little kid that is a strange blob shape and always pops back up, but is only has high as your waist. OMG...can you even make this up?!?!? I think I am scarred for life...it was, in no other words, totally HORRIFYING!

Hands down the weirdest thing I may have ever witnessed. And who was this other legless man fighting my friend who so resourcefully is using his other pant leg?!?!?! Or is this how it works?!!?! This is obviously the most prime spot in the city...so you have to fight for it??!?! Sort of like when the younger cub is ready to be alpha male.....wtf!?!?!?

Obviously I could not get out of there fast enough, and thankfully when it was my turn to drive past, they had toppled back over to the other side of the street, giving me a good few feet of clearance! (Things people never told me I would experience or have to look out for. But you better believe I am going to put this in the post report back in DC, even if I have to fight someone to do it! People need to be able to mentally prepare themselves for such madness!)

And the worst part...I think their fight ended in a tie, or at least some strange truce. Today, they were both there, each taking a side of the partition, glaring at each other and neither faring very well. It was too overwhelming having a legless person on each side of your car, fearing you may hit them both because you don't have the extra clearance to the right that you are used to....ahhhhh!

And sadly, I am afraid I cannot put this behind me yet. The turf war has obviously not been decided and if I have to witness these two legless men rolling around in the street one more time I may really lose it. It is really just way to much to take! Too much!!!!!! (But if it does happen again, I will try to get pictures, words can hardly explain the madness. Or maybe taking pictures is really crossing the line? I will have to weigh this one out, but regardless, and sadly, to be continued...)